2021-09-30, 10:46 a.m. - Barry: Ok dear one, let's try and work things out amicably. I am still living awash in your stuff and it will be a bit difficult to sort out without two pairs of eyes (esp. the kitchenware). As you said you'd be prepared after Yom Tov I'm hoping this doesn't stress you out too much. Please break your vow of silence and let's get on with it 2021-09-30, 6:35 p.m. - Barry: Or you know, if you can't talk for some bizarre reason how about I send you pictures and you just mark them up. I definately don't want any random people poking through my stuff. Also as the weather is heading into the rainy season the boxes outside should be collected. 2021-10-02, 10:15 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211002-WA0001.jpg (file attached) I've boxed up your clothes that were in the basement. 2021-10-03, 10:14 a.m. - Sara Dolansky: 👍🏻 Very good. My lawyer will be in touch with you. 2021-10-03, 10:16 a.m. - Barry: What do you need a lawyer for? We can do this without spending the money on lawyers. 2021-10-03, 10:19 a.m. - Barry: Just let me know what you want. 2021-10-03, 11:59 a.m. - Barry: And if you're interested, ask Devorah if we needed a lawyer to reach a settlement. Anything you spend on that is money down the drain. 2021-10-03, 12:06 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Why ever would I speak with Devorah Agulnik?? 2021-10-03, 12:07 p.m. - Barry: Devorah Friedman 2021-10-03, 12:07 p.m. - Barry: My ex. You were in contact with her earlier in the year. 2021-10-03, 12:10 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: ?? 2021-10-03, 12:10 p.m. - Barry: Don't you remember? 2021-10-03, 12:13 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Pardon me? 2021-10-03, 12:15 p.m. - Barry: You reached out to her on Facebook if I'm not mistaken. I spoke to her when I was trying to contact you and asked her if she'd been in touch with Joey and she told me you had some conversations with her. 2021-10-03, 12:20 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: You are quite mistaken. Your fa 2021-10-03, 12:21 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: You have your facts wrong. Find better sources of intel. 2021-10-03, 12:24 p.m. - Barry: Is there any chance you've forgotten? I can't believe that she made it all up. You did correspond with my sister Gail, did you not? 2021-10-03, 12:28 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: No. (I did *not* approach Devorah Friedman: factually incorrect!!!) Yes, I was briefly in touch with your sister - very briefly. 2021-10-03, 12:30 p.m. - Barry: She told me that you apologized for setting me before our divorce was final and that you never wanted to marry me but felt pressured by the community. 2021-10-03, 12:30 p.m. - Barry: Could she have made that up? 2021-10-03, 12:32 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: What is possible and what is impossible, oh wise philosopher?? 2021-10-03, 12:46 p.m. - Barry: It is possible to fix what has been broken between them if people have the will to do so. Some would say nothing is impossible. Others would say that in the country of the blind the one eyed man is king. 2021-10-03, 1:05 p.m. - Barry: What, my dear wife, would you say? 2021-10-03, 8:15 p.m. - Barry: Nothing? 2021-10-03, 10:06 p.m. - Barry: You are either lying or you don't remember. She had no reason to mislead me. In fact she was quite concerned about your state of mind, considering that you were suggesting that I was stalking you and you were unable to work. 2021-10-03, 10:11 p.m. - Barry: Also when Sabrina picked up your clothing, that you asked her to get, Devorah was involved then too. She and Joey searched your stuff for a tracking device. When I heard that I decided that the lot of you were nuts. 2021-10-04, 5:04 a.m. - Barry: Are you seriously suggesting that she made all of that up? 2021-10-04, 10:42 a.m. - Barry: IMG-20211004-WA0006.jpg (file attached) Growing a lot of hair waiting for you to talk to me. 2021-10-04, 9:03 p.m. - Barry: It was good to see you. Thank you for letting me clear the air somewhat. 2021-10-04, 10:49 p.m. - Barry: All I'm asking from you is to not leave me hanging. Just give me the go ahead to set up a meeting. Hoping to hear from you soon. 2021-10-05, 7:27 a.m. - Your security code with Sara Dolansky changed. Tap to learn more. 2021-10-05, 7:28 a.m. - Your security code with Sara Dolansky changed. Tap to learn more. 2021-10-05, 7:29 a.m. - Your security code with Sara Dolansky changed. Tap to learn more. 2021-10-05, 7:50 a.m. - Barry: Would you please say something? 2021-10-05, 10:33 a.m. - Barry: Sara dear, we spent nearly three hours together talking yesterday and you assured me that we would stay in contact and try to sort out our difficulties. Now it seems that you've clammed up again like you did the last time we met. I just want to tell you that you're making me feel like Charley Brown in _Peanuts_ when Lucy pulls the football away every time and he never seems to learn. Although there is s certain humor to the situation, overall it is just unbearably sad. I was really hoping that this time would be different and we could make a breakthrough. From your point of view what is the problem? Do you become a different person as soon as you are out of my sight? Again, I would appreciate an answer to put my mind at ease. If you would care to continue where we left off, please come to our house after you finish work today and just give me a heads up text or just knock and we can sit and talk some more. Sincerely yours, Barry 2021-10-05, 4:53 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Barry, I have been at work since just before 9am today. My cellphone has been tucked away in my knapsack all day, till just a few minutes ago; we've been incredibly short staffed today and I did not have time for texts or calls. I have had to "ignore" everyone and focus on the tasks at hand. 2021-10-05, 4:55 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I agree that we had a relatively productive conversation yesterday after all, in spite of a strained/awkward beginning. Yes, we ought to talk further - but this evening isn't going to work for me. 2021-10-05, 5:55 p.m. - Your security code with Sara Dolansky changed. Tap to learn more. 2021-10-05, 5:57 p.m. - Your security code with Sara Dolansky changed. Tap to learn more. 2021-10-05, 6:06 p.m. - Barry: אני אוהב אותך 2021-10-05, 7:40 p.m. - Barry: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=aVAnWSsN7W0&feature=share 2021-10-05, 11:27 p.m. - Barry: https://youtu.be/xFUio5nrfec 2021-10-06, 11:26 a.m. - Barry: Today? 2021-10-06, 12:20 p.m. - Barry: If you're interested I could offer you a nice meal that Howard cooked up; Grilled trout, Garden fresh Chinese eggplants roasted and stewed with mushrooms, Roast potatoes. Sound good? 2021-10-06, 1:11 p.m. - Barry: I spoke to Rabbi Botnick about the possibility of meeting with him and he said, "I have flexibility most afternoons until four with advance planning or Tuesday evening at 7:15." 2021-10-06, 4:34 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Thank you for the lovely offer re: grilled trout, etc. Sounds delicious! Unfortunately, it's not going to work out for tonight. Re: meeting with R' Botnick: I work most weekdays till 5pm (or later) so I think a Tuesday evening would work best. Only problem is, choir has just recently resumed - and it is still on Tuesday evenings. He is not available at all on Sundays? Nor any other weekday evenings? (Just double checking.) 2021-10-06, 4:35 p.m. - Barry: That's what he said 2021-10-06, 4:35 p.m. - Barry: Maybe you could get an hour in the afternoon? 2021-10-06, 4:38 p.m. - Barry: Let me know. 2021-10-06, 4:40 p.m. - Barry: Is choir in person? 2021-10-06, 6:51 p.m. - Barry: Can I give you a call later? 2021-10-06, 6:55 p.m. - Barry: You deleted this message 2021-10-06, 6:55 p.m. - Barry: Or rather will you answer if I call you later? 2021-10-06, 10:32 p.m. - Barry: I sense that you are ignoring me again. Please respond. 2021-10-07, 8:18 a.m. - Sara Dolansky: I am on my way to work. 2021-10-07, 8:21 a.m. - Barry: Thank you. I need to hear your voice. Here's what I told R. B. "Sara said she would prefer the evening time but that Tuesday night would conflict with her choir practice. She also asked if any chance of another weeknight or Sunday. Would it be possible to accommodate either request? K"T" 2021-10-07, 8:21 a.m. - Barry: You deleted this message 2021-10-07, 8:38 a.m. - Barry: I'm waiting on a reply from him and will let you know what he says. 2021-10-07, 9:28 a.m. - Barry: My dear I can understand how you are afraid of re-engaging with me and I hope you do not feel that I am putting pressure on you. This unexpected opportunity has left me feeling unsettled as well. I'm finding myself subject to alternating feelings of elation and doubt. I know that to reestablish trust is not going to be as easy as I might hope. But I want you to know that my feelings are strong and I will do what is necessary to reassure you. Your response is all I'm asking for. 2021-10-08, 7:18 a.m. - Barry: Good morning. 2021-10-08, 7:26 a.m. - Barry: Are you awake? 2021-10-08, 2:32 p.m. - Barry: Sara my love, I spoke to Meira and Boris and they would be very pleased if you could join them for dinner. Chazzan Subar will also be there as I think I mentioned. They could also offer you a place to sleep if you haven't made other arrangements. I realize this might not be convenient for you but if you could do it, it would really be great. In any case, I look forward to hearing from you later. 2021-10-08, 3:55 p.m. - Barry: Can you please give me a call? 2021-10-08, 3:55 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I'm still at work. Hope to be done around 5pm or so. 2021-10-08, 3:55 p.m. - Barry: Ok 2021-10-08, 3:56 p.m. - Barry: Will you call? 2021-10-08, 5:33 p.m. - Barry: Please. 2021-10-08, 5:49 p.m. - Barry: Candle lighting 6:12 so dinner's prob 7:30-45 2021-10-08, 5:55 p.m. - Barry: Anyway, if you feel it would be too awkward I totally understand. 2021-10-08, 5:56 p.m. - Barry: Let's just keep talking, ok? 2021-10-08, 5:56 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Oh, boy! I didn't realise that it was already so early! The days are getting shorter awfully fast, aren't they?! 2021-10-08, 5:56 p.m. - Barry: Yup 2021-10-08, 5:58 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: It's not going to work out, unfortunately. I would still need to pack clothes, take a shower (grimy from kitchen work) and get there...it's just not realistic at this point, even by car. Thank you for the offer, though. 2021-10-08, 5:59 p.m. - Barry: Have a good Shabbos. 2021-10-08, 6:00 p.m. - Barry: Hopefully we can make Shabbos together soon. 2021-10-09, 7:33 p.m. - Barry: Are you teaching tomorrow? 2021-10-09, 8:02 p.m. - Barry: Oh hi. 2021-10-09, 8:03 p.m. - Barry: Are you too busy to talk? 2021-10-09, 8:13 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Yes, sorry. Is something up? 2021-10-09, 8:14 p.m. - Barry: I'd really like to hear your voice. 2021-10-09, 8:17 p.m. - Barry: And I'd like to know when I might be able to see you. 2021-10-09, 11:18 p.m. - Barry: No feelings? 2021-10-09, 11:29 p.m. - Barry: Can't spare a minute? 2021-10-10, 12:50 p.m. - Barry: Please explain why you won't answer. What happened since Friday? 2021-10-10, 12:51 p.m. - Barry: I thought we had an understanding and were going to try to work things out. 2021-10-10, 12:53 p.m. - Barry: Maybe you're in a meeting? 2021-10-10, 12:55 p.m. - Barry: Or you've slipped back into a state where I don't exist for you. You are sooooo close and yet so distant. 2021-10-10, 12:56 p.m. - Barry: You said you weren't vengeful. What do you call this? 2021-10-10, 2:49 p.m. - Barry: I have to wonder who you spoke to over Shabbos that turned you so against me again. Hard to believe that we were on the verge of being able to breathe together. 2021-10-10, 4:33 p.m. - Barry: Maybe that explains it. You are afraid of my love. That was the last thing we talked about before you went into Shayna's and it must have triggered something in you that you can't face. Please try. 2021-10-10, 4:40 p.m. - Barry: Also you may not be able to face telling your friends that you will forgive me after your emphatic statements about "crossing a line". Don't you think that there is something worth saving here? If not, please have the guts to tell me so and don't just leave me in suspense. 2021-10-10, 6:59 p.m. - Barry: It's starting to become clear. As I was telling you what a big mitzvah fixing a broken marriage was, you were getting more and more anxious. H'v'shalom we should actually work things out. Not good for your narrative at all. 2021-10-10, 7:43 p.m. - Barry: So? 2021-10-10, 7:48 p.m. - Barry: I would say so. 2021-10-10, 7:58 p.m. - Barry: Well I've given you enough to ruminate on. You've just thrown out our almost miraculous meetings which could/should have reignited your feelings as they did mine. I AM sorry that you've retreated into a kind of solipsism and have lost your affect. Now we must once again deal with the dreary details of termination of our marriage if that's what you want. Please share your feelings with me. 2021-10-10, 8:07 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211010-WA0003.jpg (file attached) 2021-10-10, 8:55 p.m. - Barry: For both of us 2021-10-11, 9:09 a.m. - Barry: One more footnote, I have to apologize for mentioning my discussion with Elie about your fear of me. I guess I inadvertently put this idea back in your head and it had the effect suggesting to you to the irrational fears that had plagued you for the past year. 2021-10-11, 9:13 a.m. - Barry: Whatever is going on with you, please, you promised you would talk to me. Don't let's pretend that we didn't have a good rapport the lead few days. 2021-10-11, 9:15 a.m. - Barry: You wrote the above. "Yes we ought to talk further." What more can I ask. 2021-10-12, 11:15 a.m. - Barry: Good morning. Will you have time today to deal with our situation? 2021-10-12, 1:23 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I should be done work around 5pm. I'll be in touch then. 2021-10-12, 5:25 p.m. - Barry: K. Give me a shout. 2021-10-12, 5:29 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Almost done work. We're running a bit late. Call you soon. 2021-10-12, 5:30 p.m. - Barry: Tx 2021-10-12, 7:51 p.m. - Barry: I really appreciated your call. Thanks. 2021-10-12, 9:20 p.m. - Barry: If you are not too tired I woujldn't mind talking a bit, we don't have to meet. 2021-10-12, 9:31 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I'm pretty wiped, to be honest. Let's talk tomorrow. 2021-10-12, 9:32 p.m. - Barry: Sure 2021-10-13, 12:43 p.m. - Barry: Do you have a time that we can talk, possibly get together, today? 2021-10-13, 3:13 p.m. - Barry: Or should I say, when might I have the pleasure of your company? 2021-10-13, 7:22 p.m. - Barry: Hope you are ok. Your phone message box is full. 2021-10-13, 8:38 p.m. - Barry: ? 2021-10-14, 7:03 a.m. - Barry: Are we talking today? 2021-10-14, 12:42 p.m. - Barry: Not to be pushy but I'd like to point out that I'm not getting any younger (except perhaps at heart). 2021-10-14, 9:59 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I've got to get up earlier than usual to be at work early. I'm going to have to hit the hay now. (I was reading for a few minutes and realised I was drifting off. I'm pretty beat!) 2021-10-14, 10:00 p.m. - Barry: 5 min talk pls 2021-10-14, 10:03 p.m. - Barry: Just wanted to say good night & lmk when you're going to make some real time to talk. 2021-10-15, 11:26 a.m. - Barry: If you have a break - call 2021-10-15, 12:36 p.m. - Barry: Been thinking back to try and remember what the points of conflict were and how to correct them. 2021-10-15, 12:57 p.m. - Barry: Here's what I've come up with so far. 1. We seemed to have gotten into a bit of a competitive situation in the kitchen. You accused me of always seeking praise and not acknowledging your contribution. Bread was as sore point. Also making cholent struck a nerve. Interestingly, this subject was discussed at shul last week and it seems that a lot of the men seem to have taken on that chore. Since you have been away I have come to appreciate your salads and other delicacies that you spent so much time preparing. 2. Also relating to the kitchen were the anxieties of making Shabbos. I've come to realize that most people do not try to make every Shabbos a gourmet extravaganza and in fact make a relatively simple salad/fish course and one main dish perhaps with a vegetable. In your case of course it would need to include a non-meat dish. Starting the food prep earlier in the week is a good way to get a jump on things, esp. in the winter. I think this (ie the anxieties) was the real trigger for some fights. 3. Clutter. I'm a messy person by nature and need some help to get organized. I offered you storage space in the basement/office but you didn't take me up on that. I think you were avoiding dealing with your past in the form of "stuff". I wonder if you've considered the fact that you've been away from your stuff for getting on to 9 months and maybe it's time to let some of it go? In any case this was something that was eating at me and that I need to address. 2021-10-15, 12:58 p.m. - Barry: I would like to hear your thoughts on this and anything I may have overlooked. Hoping to hear from you soon. 2021-10-15, 4:46 p.m. - Barry: Shabbot shalom! 2021-10-16, 7:15 p.m. - Barry: https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=_x6XGfn-l5o&feature=emb_logo 2021-10-17, 2:13 p.m. - Barry: If you ever decide to read my message maybe you could tell me why you bailed again? I hope you're all right. 2021-10-17, 2:17 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: In a meeting right now 2021-10-17, 2:18 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Pls would you stop calling? Ppl have noticed that my phone keeps ringing! 2021-10-17, 2:18 p.m. - Barry: Alright please contact me I am worried about you. 2021-10-17, 2:22 p.m. - Barry: You could have told me the first time I called instead of just ignoring it. 2021-10-17, 3:16 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Excuse me!! Thought I, had put my phone on mute prior to the meeting but apparently had forgotten. I wasn't expecting multiple calls. 2021-10-17, 3:16 p.m. - Barry: Are you free? 2021-10-17, 3:18 p.m. - Barry: ? 2021-10-17, 3:20 p.m. - Barry: Hello 2021-10-17, 3:22 p.m. - Barry: Walking in the rain? 2021-10-17, 3:33 p.m. - Barry: Do two exclamation points mean that you are angry? 2021-10-17, 3:37 p.m. - Barry: You seem to have gotten annoyed with me on Thursday night and then ignored me until I made a nuisance of myself and now you're mute again. What gives? 2021-10-17, 7:49 p.m. - Barry: What happened to you? 2021-10-17, 8:02 p.m. - Barry: What are you afraid of? 2021-10-18, 6:27 a.m. - Barry: I'm so sorry that you can't let yourself trust me again. I feel your pain. 2021-10-18, 11:25 a.m. - Barry: Btw is your mother's name Dina? (Diane) 2021-10-18, 8:25 p.m. - Barry: Nice of you to drop by. Did you see anything of interest? I hope I'm not talking to myself. I wanted your mother's Hebrew name so I can get you a proper mishaberach. I also wondered if she might have the same name as my mother. 2021-10-19, 7:54 a.m. - Barry: Are you working today? Any chance we might speak? 2021-10-19, 4:26 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211019-WA0003.jpg (file attached) You're soon going to need some cool weather clothes. I've been trying to get organized. 2021-10-19, 4:27 p.m. - Barry: How about some practical talk? 2021-10-19, 4:31 p.m. - Barry: We were making progress. Can't you give it a little chance? 2021-10-19, 4:31 p.m. - Barry: Just tell me what you think went wrong this time? 2021-10-19, 4:34 p.m. - Barry: Don't just cut me off like this. You have to be harming yourself in the process. There's still a strong connection between us. 2021-10-19, 4:49 p.m. - Barry: I am here. 2021-10-19, 7:35 p.m. - Barry: Oh, did I mention that Chana Hayes would be happy to have us come for dinner this Shabbos if you're up to it. 2021-10-19, 7:40 p.m. - Barry: That's it from the land of the living. 2021-10-19, 10:49 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211019-WA0007.jpg (file attached) 2021-10-20, 12:53 a.m. - Barry: 🧊🧊🧊🧊🧊🧊🧊 2021-10-20, 5:17 a.m. - Barry: You have to make a decision. If you have no desire to try and work things out and/or you just don't have the courage to do so I have to know. We've gone through this cycle a number of times already and when we get to the point where you need to decide (i.e. to meet with a counselor) you go numb it seems and withdraw from the conversation. Regardless of how distressing this is to me, I want to make it clear that I am extending a hand to you and *there is a path to reconciliation* . If you are unwilling or unable to take it then so be it. I want to know if you want me to continue to pack up your things or not and if the former exactly when you would be prepared to take them. Please, please, don't delay any longer. The winter's chill will soon be upon us. 2021-10-20, 8:25 p.m. - Barry: Are you comatose? Or do you just hate me? Or what? 2021-10-20, 9:20 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I am willing to meet with R' Botnick. Perhaps he can help. Would you see if he is, available next Tuesday evening (Oct. 26) or the following (Nov. 2nd)? 2021-10-20, 9:29 p.m. - Barry: I have sent him your request. You didn't specify if you wanted me present or not. 2021-10-20, 9:50 p.m. - Barry: Next Tuesday is (26th) is good. Shall I confirm? 2021-10-20, 10:05 p.m. - Barry: He's said he'd be available at 7:00 pm. 2021-10-20, 11:31 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: Yes, let's the three of us meet. 7pm is fine. 2021-10-20, 11:32 p.m. - Barry: Thanks. I'll confirm. 2021-10-21, 6:02 p.m. - Barry: His office at Chabad Lady Ellen. LMK if you want a ride. 2021-10-22, 4:44 p.m. - Barry: Have a good Shabbos. 2021-10-24, 1:04 p.m. - Barry: Do you want to talk? 2021-10-25, 5:36 p.m. - Barry: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8fypfHM/ 2021-10-26, 4:23 p.m. - Barry: Will you be keeping our appointment? 2021-10-26, 5:38 p.m. - Barry: If so, I'd be happy to give you a ride or pay for a taxi for you. 2021-10-26, 6:32 p.m. - Sara Dolansky: I'll be there. 2021-10-26, 6:36 p.m. - Barry: Thanks. 2021-10-31, 7:45 p.m. - Barry: Have you spoken to Rabbi Botnick since our meeting? 2021-11-01, 6:02 p.m. - Barry: So what's the verdict? Do you want to talk about it? If you weren't happy about how our meeting went that would make two of us. You didn't give the Rabbi a chance to lay out a proposal that might have assuaged your fears. I didn't have the opportunity to apologize to you in front of God and man. Nothing was accomplished. Somehow you went from "there is what to talk about" to "there's nothing to talk about". How did you get from a to b? Do you even know what hauls you back into yourself instead of opening to the possibility of trust? Anyway, you did agree to respond one way or the other regarding the way forward and I hope you will keep your word. BTW the Friedman family is celebrating Yaakov's bar mitzvah this week and all the sibs except Max will be here in case you would like to hear directly from Elie what we discussed. I would like it if you would accompany me to one or more of the kiddushim this coming weekend. Maybe you're even catering some of them? 2021-11-02, 6:22 a.m. - Barry: Would you please favour me with a response? 2021-11-03, 12:29 p.m. - Barry: I sent you my impressions of what happened to us. I would love to hear your version of events. I know you said that I just showed my true colors, but wondered if you knew that referred to a naval situation where an enemy would pretend to be an ally by flying the wrong flag and then at the last moment running up their real flag (true colors) and attacking. Somehow that doesn't really seem to fit our situation. Any hoo what do you say? 2021-11-10, 7:16 p.m. - Barry: Can we please discuss your plans? I'd like to know what I'll need to arrange for you to collect your stuff. Also after speaking to Rabbi Botnick it appears that a get must be obtained in Montreal and as you may recall we agreed to split the costs of divorce if it became necessary. Please let's talk. 2021-11-10, 7:35 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211110-WA0001.jpg (file attached) Came across this:. Guess it wasn't something you felt was important. 2021-11-14, 8:42 a.m. - Barry: Hope you have a good day. 2021-11-14, 2:49 p.m. - Barry: Although you may wish to have nothing further to do with me I still need to know what you require of me. I can't do "this" alone. You'll have to make your needs clear. 2021-11-14, 2:57 p.m. - Barry: And also just for the record you never did let me know why you withdrew your affections in the month leading up to your birthday as I described in "Friedman's complaint". Your implication is that I just suddenly with no justification started to act churlishly towards you. You owe it to yourself to clarify what happened so as to prevent it from happening again maybe with someone else. 2021-11-14, 3:05 p.m. - Barry: Where you are being unreasonable is to have demanded from me and then from the Rabbi that I or he coukd provide a guarantee that what happened would never happen again. You know quite well that that's not possible but it begs the question of why it happened in the first place. You've made me doubt myself as I realize that given the same circumstances without having worked through it that it might very well happen again. I certainly wouldn't want that. But I know that there was such a strong bond between us that there has to be a reason that it was broken. You know this too. 2021-11-15, 8:19 a.m. - Barry: Do you understand what I'm saying? 2021-11-16, 11:51 a.m. - Barry: Why are you making it so difficult for us to disentangle our lives if that's what you want? I have to wake up every day with a house full of you. How do you think that makes me feel? The cupboards are loaded with Sara's foodstuffs, closets of her clothes, boots, winter wear. I have to worry that you are not taking care of yourself. I also am forced to miss your actual presence. You won't acknowledge any connection and yet won't break the connection. What is your aim? Is it all too painful to deal with? Is it that your self-respect has been so threatened that any thought of dealing with me is off limits as you stated in your email to the rabbi (that would be an internal block) or you are getting advice (external) which prevents you from looking after your interests. In any case this is by definition schlepping the situation out. If I thought that there was any hope for us to talk things through (which you've categorically ruled out) I could live with this limbo situation otherwise it's intolerable. 2021-11-17, 2:30 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211117-WA0000.jpg (file attached) 2021-11-17, 2:31 p.m. - Barry: IMG-20211117-WA0003.jpg (file attached) Yours from last year still on the table. 2021-11-17, 6:10 p.m. - Barry: I've been trying to put myself in your shoes and can't understand how you've been living for the past year. It's no wonder that you think I'm a monster and have devastated you. It never really registered on me what you've been going through. I was too focused on the breakup and you had left me behind from the beginning. I guess I might have had a chance of hauling you back early on but thought that you had a plan and I was still angry and hurt so could not change gears. All my attempts to lure you back and try to get you to accept my apologies didn't address the radical dislocation that had happened and that you were in a state where your whole world had collapsed and I was the reason for it. I see that now. Coming back to the present though I just want to get through to you and help you any way I can. I'm really feeling bad about this. 2021-11-17, 7:30 p.m. - Barry: If you had asked me to leave instead of going yourself I would have been begging you for mercy, certainly trying everything possible to fix things. You made it too easy for me to just let things slide and by then it was too late. 2021-11-18, 5:04 p.m. - Barry: Won't you please communicate with me? Via a proxy if necessary but preferably directly. Hasn't anything I've said touched you? 2021-11-19, 3:22 p.m. - Barry: Good Shabbos. You're killing me. 2021-11-21, 9:32 p.m. - Barry: Just wondered if you'ld care for a chat? 2021-11-21, 9:35 p.m. - Barry: Hi 2021-11-21, 10:20 p.m. - Barry: Now that you've aired your grievances and everyone knows what a total shit you think I am you've still left me a little confused as to your real feelings and what you want. Last week I looked into getting a storage unit so I could make sure the stuff you never unpacked doesn't get damaged sitting outside, but I don't want to do anything that will make it more difficult for you to get your life back on track. I think about you all the time and have come to the conclusion that you are stuck somehow and can't really let go of me. If you had I'd find it possible to let go of those thoughts. I still can't really believe that the rapport we had during our previous meeting where you actually acknowledged my apologies and agreed that we had something left to talk about was all in my imagination and that the way you described it to the rabbi as my accosting you and you reluctantly being detained was not what I felt. I think that for some reason you are not able to feel that you are loved because that was all I was trying to convey to you in those encounters. Admit that I reached you if only briefly and that something intervened in you and rebuilt the wall that you had constructed in your mind to protect you from my love. Nothing else accounts for the u-turn you made. Once again I'll remind you that you said "Yes we ought to talk further." and then we almost engaged but then you went cold inside and withdrew as soon as it became too real for you. I think that person who I fell in love with is still there somewhere and it is driving me crazy. Please let yourself honestly respond to what I'm saying. We had a lot of good things going for is and the things that tripped is up were trivial. Sure, you blew a gasket when I let Neshi come over for dinner that second time, but you're not the only one in the community that is exasperated by her behaviour. But was it worth it to brood for weeks over it? If you think about the lead up to our rupture you'ld see it was a lot of silly things that got on each other's nerves. Like I'm still remembering that you wanted to get me to try your eggnog and I turned up my nose at it. Did that piss you off? Anyway, enough for now. All I ask is that you consider what I'm saying. Be well. 2021-11-21, 11:03 p.m. - Barry: Sorry, pocket dial. 2021-11-22, 12:24 a.m. - Barry: So it would seem that you've got an echo chamber of your "friends" that are feeding you back the story you've put out and that's why you froze after our encounter. I know you're still in contact with Miriam and Katherine. Miriam won't even answer me when I ask her a question about my grandson and Katherine refused to talk to me early on so I know the kind of pressure you'ld be getting from them, not to mention the dog lady, if you're still friends, who disliked me from the outset as you told me back then. 2021-11-22, 12:31 p.m. - Barry: So Sara Dolansky vus machts? 2021-11-22, 1:09 p.m. - Barry: VID-20211122-WA0000.mp4 (file attached)